Jewish Women (Updated)
[Every couple of years I re-post this. I had a request for it last night, and I searched this site for a copy, and I was astounded to find the first post, almost ten years ago. Jeez. Time flies when you're having fun!
I will begin with the original post from November 14th, 2005, and add some comments by way of update. - HAC]
A friend and I were nattering on line about Jews in Hollywood, and he mentioned that the Jewess Lauren Bacall was actually quite a fox in her Casablanca days, but in later life she was a genuinely horrible-looking old yenta. This set off my standard rave about Jewish women as evidenced by their Hollywood exemplars, and it strikes me I haven't ever blogged that one.
Fact is, Jewish women really just aren't that sexually attractive as a whole, and this probably has something to do with the general neurosis that appears both among them and Jewish men. You'll notice that in great "classics" of Joosh literchur like Portnoy's Complaint, as well as in real life, it's always the Gentile woman that Sammy Glick and Portnoy and his counterparts lust after. JAPs have a very grim reputation along that line as ugly, greedy, arrogant, self-absorbed, crazy as loons, and sexually frigid.
Okay, I'll grant you, some Jewesses are pretty cute when they're in their teens, especially the Hollywood variety who have the benefit of the most skilled makeup artists, trainers, plastic surgeons, and cosmetologists in the world. But when they hit about age 21 they start to get porky, misproportioned, saggy-titted and camel-faced really quick.
Good example #1, Alicia Silverstone. I think her face must have been plastic-surgeried as to the nose, since that's still pretty pert, but I'll swear she's already had her first face lift and it still hasn't completely done in the jowls and chubby cheeks. Despite liposucting a whole barrel of lard off her thighs and gut, she's still thick in the middle. In that Aerosmith video she did at age 15 she was an incredible edible, but even by the time of Clueless she was starting to get noticeably heavy hips. No wonder her career is in the toilet, given Hollywood's obsession with thinness. Supposedly she won't do nude scenes as a matter of principle. Well, maybe. But more likely, she can't find anyone who's interested. Producers don't want their male audiences yelling "Put it back on! Put it all back on!"
I hear Alicia, as well as some others I won't name, are on something unofficially called the "Buchenwald Diet" (invented by a Jew doctor, of course) of 900 calories a day. Jesus, imagine being a millionaire many times over and having to live on a Buchenwald diet? Even movie stars have their crosses to bear, it would seem.
Good example #2: Mila Kunis. Ukrainian Jew, born in Kiev in 1983. I will grant you that on her first couple of seasons of That 70s Show (she more or less stole the part by lying about her age; she was 14 when she tried out) she was cute as a cut-button in a black-haired gypsy kind of way.
It didn't last. I saw her last night doing an interview about Family Guy (she does the voice of Meg.) Either she did it without makeup, or else someone on the set really screwed up, because she looked like a hag. She's 22 now and her face is really going Golda Meir, lips thickening, first crow's feet appearing, cheeks starting to sag, hair lank and rough-looking, and her skin is really dark--you can tell she's got a lot of Tatar in her. She's small-boned and short enough so she won't have the blowsy, tit-sagging Jewess look as she gets older, but the small hard brown Jewess look, if you get my drift, the one that reminds you that Jews are an Asiatic people.
[2015 note: even with makeup on now, she's swarthy and kind of nondescript, really. Her features have gone thick, if you get my drift. She looks like a Mexican hooker, and I repeat, that's with the makeup. Without it she looks like a shapeless homeless woman.]
Final example, lest this turn into a Hollywood gossip column: Natalie Portman. Israeli. At age 13 in The Professional she was a charming, impish little waif. She's 24 now. I caught her in the Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith flick a week or so ago, and she's headed straight for Yenta City. Face rounding, cheeks and lips swelling, nose flaring, typical Jewish camel-face heading her way like an oncoming train. She better start making appointments with some of those Beverly Hills plastic surgeons pretty soon or she won't be able to get any parts besides Yiddishe mamas.
[2015: And no, before you ask, I didn't see Black Swan. Why on earth would I want to watch a couple of Jewish dykes munching one another's carpet?]
Speaking of which, you want to see the result of a Jewess trying to stay White-looking and marketable thereby? Jane Seymour, nee Wilhelmina Frankenberg. She damned sure ain't no Bond Girl no more. She's had so much facial surgery and strategic botox the skin is stretched across her cheeks and the side of her skull tight as a drum, to where it looks about to split and her nose looks almost like it will start to melt like a candle, like Michael Jackson's. She finally "agreed" to do a topless scene in The Wedding Crashers and supposedly had to have a support system surgically installed to get her sagging Yiddishe rack up off her waistline.
Hmm...maybe I could make it as a Hollywood gossip columnist...
Seriously, though, in the sheer beauty department, none of these JAPs can hold a candle to a Jennifer Aniston, a Meg Ryan, a Drew Barrymore or even Lindsay Lohan. [Uh, this was 2005, remember? Granted, Lindsay's got a lot of miles of bad road on her now.]
Okay, granted, morality-wise, Hollywood corrupts the whole lot of them, and I'm certainly not claiming your average Gentile actress is someone you'd want to bring home to mother. But look at your big Jew producers and directors and studio heads--and who they choose to marry for their trophy wives when they can afford it, as they can. Maybe Jewish men know something about Jewish women we don't.
[2015: Okay, first off, I'm going to say something here which may sound like I'm BS-ing, since it's male chauvinist blasphemy and nobody will believe me when I say it, but the fact is, I never considered Scarlett Johannson all that beautiful or sexy, even before I knew she was a Tribeswoman. Yes, really. I didn't know why, but there was always something a little off-kilter about her. Well, the fact that she can't act her way out of a paper bag, but that's nothing new in Hollywood. Anyway, now I know why.
Secondly, I will say that Amanda Bynes was quite cute and perky in her early movies, and she was also funny, which is a talent I have always conceded that Jews have when they choose to exercise it. But she has deteriorated in another typically Jewish way. It has been recognized for a long time in the psychiatric profession that schizophrenia is the "Jewish disease", and this from a field that is almost completely Jewish, which to my mind clinches it, when even other Jews admit they have a problem. (No, I'm not making that up. They have various abstruse explanations for it having to due with Jews' allegedly higher order of nervous system and more complex smarter brains, etc.)
Actually I feel kind of sorry for Amanda. The Germans have a folk saying: "The worst way to die is head first."]